Days Forty Eight and Forty Nine December 30, 2007

I had dinner plans for tonight; both Big Sis and I in the company of two girls who’ve known forever and ever.

The girls in question have made such a huge effort with me(and now Big Sis has returned from London her also) since Daddy died; I’m humbled by their friendship-there something very special in people that have always been part of your life. The girls are now both married; Gillian has one little girl and another on the way; and yet after a busy farmhouse Christmas she opened her home up to us and gave us an invite for New Year: she’s a legend!

Disaster struck just as I got into the car; I realised that I hadn’t my hearing aid in, nor had I seen it all day. (My hearing isn’t terrible but I worn an aid for the last seven years and have become incredibly reliant on it: I CAN’T function socially without it; and it is a constant worry that one day in the distant future I’ll awake to an entirely silent world). My penchant for loosing things is legendary; but this is my lifeline.

I was late for dinner; Mum had driven Big Sis over and knew the isntant I bumbled through the door apologising that something had happened. It wasn’t the terrible night I feared it would be: one spent in silence catching only snippets of conversation. I was probably quieter than usual but it gave Big Sis a chance to catch up. I did begin mentally cancelling the list of social activities I’d planned for the week; and calculating how long a replacement would take to reach me: I can’t teach without it in.

But this morning after I got back and with uncharacteristic methodical approach I ransacked my apartment. And glory be I found my hearing aid in the most unlikely of places; I didn’t unearth any of the other things I’ve misplaced but I’m too grateful for the perhaps divine intervention that means I can join the noisy world once more.

Day Forty Seven December 29, 2007

Coffee and cinnamon scones with girls I’ve known forever and friends of theirs that are slowly becoming friends of mine…

A more successful Internet adventure that means ‘08 doesn’t loom as emptily as it once done…

And one of those rare nights out in which I drove (and was therefore- obviously, I hope-sober. One of the sad/ pathetic facts of my personality is that I’m actually quite shy in social situations; I need the social lubrication alcohol provides) and had a brilliant time anyway; I was in a local bar but not a local. The secret ingredient was the people I was with; my Belfast ‘family’: the people I lived with during my hedonistic student days. One of us is now married and has just had her first baby, another madly in love with a fabulous guy but is still at the stage of pretending not to be and the other of us now living in Birmingham and pursuing an artistic dream ,was home for the first time in forever. And then there’s me.

I’d forgotten how much I loved their company; how accepting we each have learnt to be of the life choices we each have diversely made and how funny those stories of years of drunken and often ill-fated conquest actually are.

Day Forty Six December 27, 2007

What was to be a ‘back in my own bed’ wine fuelled sleep was mercilessly disturbed by the noise (which may have been a party or may have been the sacrificial killing of a wild bison) coming from an unknown but closely neighbouring source.

I HATE to feel like a ‘feeble woman’; a potential victim who lies in her bed awaiting the drunken thud of her disintegrating door, or brick through her window. It was still going strong after long after 2am.

My restless night made for a wasted morning; I did get out of bed but only to then fall asleep in front of the TV.  My precious holiday time ebbing away at much too great a pace…

Spent the rest of my day being domestic; there is a small sense of achievement in such things. I then tried to keep a promise of arranging a ‘girl’s’ London theatre trip for my Aunt’s 50th birthday: a lot of time spent on the Internet and loosing my temper with my Mum during one of our many phone calls (I’ll apologise), and yet nothing yet confirmed. Maybe next time I’ll sit quietly and wait for someone else to volunteer…

My blessings ,of course ,are that I have a bed to be scared in, a house and the health to clean it and the promise of a theatre trip in already socially diverse ‘08. Bring it on!

Day Forty Five- Boxing Day December 27, 2007

I woke up this morning feeling grumpy: yet another extended family dinner seemed just a step too far…

But shame on me, it was lovely as always. Good to catch up with the people who’ve know you always. Did have a scary moment as a favourite cousin, who I used to babysit brought his stunning and talented girlfriend along.. a little like feeding Daniel to the lions…and scary as I’ve NEVER brought anyone to this or any other familial occasion..they think I’m at best gay and at worst ‘left on the shelf’…but at just turned 16, perhaps Sam is a little ahead of the pack.

Recently my Boxing Nights have included more wine, ice cream and DVDs in pjs accompanied by at least one half of my very favourite gay couple; but this year they had other plans so I went to a ‘party’.  A wine-fuelled get-together that provided the perfect anti-dote to the family overload; and provided three more invitations for fun in the coming weeks- a great night.

So today’s blessing were the other people that allow me to share their lives; family and friends a like- time spent in good company is extremely well spent.

Day Forty Four- Christmas Day December 25, 2007

There are various reasons why I tend to dread Christmas just a little…not the littlest of them being that we don’t get to share ours with all the people we want and desperately need to be there.

This particular Christmas morning didn’t get off the best of starts; Little Bro had phoned from his far-off location and spoke to Mum and Big Sis but lost the connection before I got as far as the phone. Try as we did ‘normal service just couldn’t be resumed’: I wanted to take a moment and cry, something very precious had been taken from me. But we put on the champagne and croissants and toasted him instead.

I’m always astonished by the generosity of people at Christmas; we’d a fabulous Australian hamper from the faraway sibling and cards with cheeky messages and I’d the much anticipated deluge of all things fragranced. And then I got to Lily’s gift; its wonder began with the hamper on Sunday night but this morning I got a smiling ‘First School Photo’ that made me proud of Vox, Lily and their eldest little angel and a book called ‘  A lifetime of Secrets’ by Frank Warren which is a published collection of an incredibly successful blog: postsecret.com: where the masses are encouraged to send a postcard on which a secret: terrible or wonderful; enchanting or repulsive as a means of relinquishing your soul of the burden. All of humanity is contained within its pages.

That Lily understood my need, desire and understanding of such material reminds me again of how blessed I am that she became a part of my life just when I needed her the most…

And so to dinner….and incredibly warm welcome was given at my Uncle’s house; my cousins are six and five: and today high on life and Santa’s benevolence. It was only when I was reminded, that I realised I hadn’t seen any of the extended family since the summer holidays- how horrible a niece am I? Maybe a cue less blogging and more family time in ‘08?

It was a great Christmas Day: stress free but fun filled: I got to remember how exciting it is to have new pyjamas, to immediately NEED to colour in with your new felt tips (and that proportion, composition and realistic replication means fabulously nothing in the artistic, creative prowess of a five year old).

I was overwhelmed, as always by how emotionally giving these kids are, ‘I think your hair is gorgeous!’, ‘ I like your pretty dress.’ ‘I love you lots and lots- you wanna see my bike and my monster stilts?’

I know that I should give time and thought to the ‘miracle of the nativity’, and to those people that don’t have the privileges, the blessings, the opportunities that I do: but instead I’m going to be selfish and somehow try to bottle today’s blissful and blessed moments: a secret store to soothe my soul in times of trouble..

Merry Christmas once more…I’m off for more secret sharing and more mulled wine x

Day Forty Three: Christmas Eve December 25, 2007

There was of course the bliss of it being Monday and not having school…my lunch didn’t happen but instead a giggle filled phone call that worked just as well.

My ‘Knight in Uncley Armour’ was called upon again: my windsheild wipers were amiss: my feared electrical meltdown of the car I was yet to pay for; was as ever my inner Dramaqueen taking over. Instead it was two missing ‘nuts’ of the nuts and bolts variety: heads will roll at the Toyota garage.

But here was a man, on his day off ready to watch a favourite movie and instead fixed my car; its a relationship I often wish was closer; but today I remembered how lucky I was to have someone so willing to be my helping hand.

I then was home for Christmas. Mum made me a very simple lunch and we went shopping to replace the ‘Twister’ Big Sis and I had both bought for our little cousin.  The shops were quiet; it was the perfect anti-dote to my previous Christmas shopping mayhem.

We came home and cooked dinner, I made mulled wine and as always, when cooking in Mum’s kitchen: I was a like a little girl who’d been allowed to lick the baking bowl. Dinner was divine, beautifully accompanied by musical theatre magic; we drank the wine and sang along to ‘White Christmas’.

These words don’t capture the bliss that was created; it was me and Mum and what had been great about it being us at home; the only flaw was that Big Sis (tending the seriously sick of Belfast) and Little Bro missed it.

Happy Christmas to all in blogland- may yours be filled with moments like mine.

Day Forty Two December 23, 2007

So I’d looked forward to my ‘American’ reunion for quite a while but tonight I didn’t go. The plan had been to go to church with Lily to her Carol Service, for coffee and make a hopefully fashionably late entrance to Cafe Vaudeville; and to the Class of 2000 that were part of my much ‘talked’ about DC summer.

My reasons for not going were many fold: not least because the window wipers on my ‘new’ car have stopped working and I feared electrical meltdown come 1am and my drive home; or that my sober social bartering leaves a lot to be desired; these people are solicitors and barristers; Dublin Advertising Execs; one guy is both a Doctor and a TD; my “I’m still teaching and still single” isn’t much of a conversation starter; most significantly however I was having such a lovely time with Lily, it would have been sinful to leave. An actual Debbie and Ann conversation rather than mere Lily and Carrie banter; I needed it. This and a truly gorgeous Christmas present- why would anyone rush off?

And this all came on the heels of a rather wonderful Sunday; got up late, drank wonderful coffee and went for a face tingling walk with my Ipod,  down by the lighthouse and round the Commons; encountering a little girl all dressed in pink that was singing ‘Jingle Bells’ to her dog. Pricless.

I am blessed beyond comprehension: not only do I get to escape school tomorrow, but I get to have lunch with two of my favourite people and get to go home to envelope myself in  childhood memories of waiting for Santa and of many Christmas past. Too lucky for words.

Day Forty One December 22, 2007

I used to deplore the Saturday nightin,  but for tonight this was the masterplan (I even refused an offer of a night out that would have I’m sure put last night’s shenanigans into the pale). Curing one hangover with another night’s drinking is the ploy of younger women than me. I’ve a million things to do before Christmas Day itself and I needed the night off (this is all beginning to sound like social jusitification…).

All I had to achieve today was: clothes washing and present wrapping. Both are done: such satisfaction from the simplest of things and in time for the Strictly Come Dancing Final- a delight in itself!

Just re-read all this…how terrible middle aged and sensible I sound…will have to misbehave dreadfully the next time I leave the house!

Day Forty December 22, 2007

The last day of school; was the usual anti-climax…but had a lovely encounter with an ex-pupil who did my impromptu manicure and eyebrow wax; before ‘The Big Night Out’.

The night itself; didn’t get off to the best of starts… I’d arranged to meet a trio of troublemakers for an initial dose of dutch courage but their taxi didn’t turn up, which left me ‘first to arrive’ sitting all alone at a huge table and drinking the first of many g&ts.

Dinner ended with a clumsy waiter dropping my cocktail over my dress…and it wasn’t worth drinking when he brought the replacement back: a little instant karma for my alcoholic gluttony!

But it wasn’t horrible, I danced and chatted and flirted without getting myself into too much trouble. A better night than expected but not quite one for the history books.

Day Thirty Nine December 20, 2007

A day of getting things done: a rare thing in my busy but often not very productive life: a meeting, two ‘in-school’ parties, coursework moderation, Drama club (with a little impromptu singing from one of last night’s Carol Singers thrown in: he was setting up the assembly hall for the Junior Disco and blissfully singing along with the tunes: made my afternoon), then to the Post Office for the posting of parcels and stamp sticking of cards.

I then had my hair cut. Those of you who know the ‘real- life’ me, will know that I have big issues with my crazy do or the ‘Annfro’ as I unaffectionately call it. It is brown. It is curly. It is totally out of control.  I used to love going to the hairdressers; but then my hairdresser used to be this very sexy, very funny, incredibly cute guy who used to tell me he loved my curls and blew on my neck (how pathetic I am!). Now it is a lovely but very sexy girl and it is simply too much time with your face stuck in a magnifying mirror and hair dye creeping slowly down your damp neck….

Enjoyed tonight’s transformation: from brown curly ponytail, to the multi-tonal (but admittedly still brown, I tried the blond thing once if only to conform to the ditsy stereotype; thought I should have the look to go with the bimbo charm) poker straight layered look(Can I maintain the look until tomorrow’s dreaded “work night out”, or should I go as the artist formerly known as Myself?).

I then finished my Christmas shopping, had a takeaway for dinner, wrapped some presents, had a very funny phone-call about cross-dressing with my gay friend and now I’m mulling wine and awaiting Studio 60…as Thursdays go- this one ain’t bad.