Days 166 and 167 April 30, 2008

I really struggled last night to find any real moment of grace in my day… and today was a re-run of the one before…all work, and feeling too agitated to properly embrace ‘play’ even when I got home.

I’m grateful tonight for the opportunities life presents me with; should they be a work project, a school building, a new ‘additional’ career challenge or a summer holiday… I ask for grace, serenity, something that allows me to reach the ‘promised land’; rather than view the mountainous route as too treacherous to even attempt.

( I also ask for a better metaphor…)

Day 166 April 28, 2008

The DISAPPOINTMENT! The JCB at the gate was the first letter of the disastrous building site that was supposed to be our ’state of the art/ school for the millenium’.  The Boss was met with a room full of angry faces and palpable disappointment. Our ‘tour’ meant little; an unfinished building does not inspire the masses. We felt like we were trespassing on something that doesn’t belong to any of us; and that the very bricks (and most certainly the builders!) resented our intruding presence. Soon we were being instructed by our ‘Arthur Scargill’ union rep; to leave the site due to health and safety considerations…

So, back it was to the now very noticeably ramshackle building, that sometime, between the final bell on Friday and this morning, has lost its soul. A school without work on the noticeboards and kids in the classrooms is an abandoned place: loneliness ebbs from the cracks in the corridors. A day spent on the endless project instead of sorting boxes seemed unproductive.

But somewhere beneath the debris and the unfulfilled anticipation is an amazing school building awaiting discovery.

164 & 165 April 27, 2008

#164: Despite my exhaustion I didn’t sleep AT ALL on Friday night which meant a long lie in on Saturday morning was due just so I could function. This meant much less time for my Saturday to do list: I managed however the do the very necessary birthday present buying for two of my best friends. And I was touched that they both delighted in the present choices made.

Saturday night was L’s party: Excelsior is a small, private cinema outside Comber that screens what you want, when you want for private parties. I had thought it would all be a bit twee; and a bit tame for a 30th. I was wrong; it captured a little late evening sunshine, a lot of bantering conversation with people I just don’t see enough of and absolutely adore; and then the glory of NYC that is Breakfast at Tiffany’s.  The birthday girl loved it….

A trip to Belfast and eventually to a club that is treading the difficult line between being a ’straight club’ and a ‘gay bar’ and doing it very badly. Full of gorgeous homosexual boys (making for an experience much like being a diabetic in a sweet shop) and over- dressed heterosexual girls and the occasional drag Queen…a strange social mix not helped by the BAD dance music and overly power crazy bouncers…

However I was staying at M&R’s penthouse apartment that overlooks the Lagan: this is the stuff of TV; all bright lights and amazing backdrops (I love this city x)…just the inspiration for a myriad of vodka induced but entertaining dreams…

#165: A lazy Sunday (greatly helped by a text that meant my marking deadline is moved until Tuesday) spent once more admiring the stunning view, organising my wardrobe and meeting Mum for coffee. Inspired by the sunshine we wanted to consider Mediterrean options for our hallowe’en getaway: I insisted that we head to Bloomfields and grab those brochures.

Both Travel Agents were closed when we got there! I laughed and laughed: and told Mum that she shouldn’t indulge my impulsive side; she said that they were a source of her entertainment and why should she stop a habit of a lifetime…

A weekend of contentment (and I must admit to being much more excited by the idea of  driving to our new school building in the morning; long awaited….). I am blessed.

Day 161-163 April 25, 2008

#161: I decided to do a favour; even though every fibre of my being was crying that for once I uttered the word, ‘No!’. Babysitting is one of my very favourite ways to spend an evening: but only when the child doesn’t detest me with ever fibre of her being… the ‘I don’t want you…I don’t like you…You smell horrible’, the hiding beneath the blanket, the refusing to even consider bed isn’t rectified by reading The Little Mermaid.  A little known ‘emergency babysitter’ will never compare to a Mum consumed and charmed by your every need. My ego can take the beating from the three-year old….

My moment: the realisation that next time I’m more than within my rights to say No!

#162: The true wonder of the answered prayer. I’d lost my A-level coursework (and what was left of my mind) I sat on my classroom floor and prayed to find it. I could only hope that it would be in one of the first packing boxes I looked in the idea of looking through the stack in my room, when the larger stack was still to be packed was simply beyond contemplation…there the folder was in all its yellow and slightly battered glory…in box number three.

I was grateful to escape from school and attend (with AS Literature class in tow) a series of lectures on A Streetcar Named Desire. From the moment the lecturer with the Mid-West of the US come Belfast accent began I was enraptured. I love this play: but was once again astonished at the depths it can reach into the male and female psychosis. Once again my literary wheels were a turning. I got to remember why over a decade ago I decided to pursue words as a degree.

I had to return to reality at some point and school and the special project was waiting JG was as close to tears as I’ve ever saw her… a corrupted file and looming deadline meant another evening spent in school in front of a computer screen. And then a night spent with the newly discovered coursework: bed should be found before 2am on a school night.

#163: Knackered! But amazed to have the packing done and at the prospect of the ‘new school building’ come Monday. Beware the looming blog of teaching nostalgia and all things Bangor…

I made the right choice in rejecting the offer of dinner, drinks and dancing: instead choosing to finally wash dishes/ hoover carpets/ fold laundry was the sensible option. A 30th birthday of a girl I adore awaits me tomorrow night: with present shopping and more coursework marking to fit in before. I refuse to do anything more than leave an ass print on the sofa tonight.

 

Day 160 April 22, 2008

The first of many April birthdays- today: Mum.

We went to Villa Italia: the food was fabulous: an Italian and delicious delight.  Big Sis had brought her boyfriend (I think its OK to describe him using that word) along to meet Mum for the first time. Mum is naturally quiet as is Big Sis’ Beau and I was determined to fill the air with less inane chatter than I had in my first meeting. I hope I succeeded. We as ever missed Daddy and Little Bro…but I’m grateful for the memories of other birthdays and the hope of many more to come; and for this addition to our ‘family’ number…long may he stay.

As for the rest of my day: was work hell…and the end of coursework, packing/moving/unpacking, the specialist project and more coursework is still so immediately in my future that it is obscuring the light at the end of the tunnel.

Part of the Italian charm was the double espresso I drank; the theory being that instead of sleeping tonight I’m going to mark coursework in the hope that easing the workload/ limiting the stress will promote more sleep in the larger scheme of things.

 

Day 159 April 21, 2008

Definitely a manic Monday (whatever happened to The Bangles?). By 9.15am I was already banging my head off the laptop…another day spent on this endless school project, an afternoon spent attending the Audiology clinic at the Ulster Hospital much of it in the car park (this is usually something I dread; awaiting ‘terrible’ news and rather ridiculously I’m always horribly disappointed that no-one can wave a magic wand and make my ears work properly: still I’m now the ‘proud’ owner of a digital hearing aid; so I finally welcome the sounds of a new millennium), a rushed but rather lovely dinner at Ratz with the women I work with; paid for by the benevolent member of our SMT who then drove us all mad with her ‘work only’ chatter….

I had a twilight session in school still working on the project and then home to ironing and a phone call from Mum to see how my appointment went (bless her.)

I’m grateful for a Monday that was manic but one in which a lot got done…

Day 158 April 20, 2008

I am grateful for a day that wasn’t like yesterday…grateful for an excuse to leave the house with my makeup and huge sunglasses on to drive home to the woman who listens to all my woes…grateful for a simple but lovely dinner, and ridiculously pleased, actually applauding at the TV and wiping away tearsthat Gavin and Stacey let their love conquer all…

Day 157 April 20, 2008

The sort of Saturday that tends to happen at the end of the summer holiday when I’ve forgotten what I do with my time when I don’t have work to give shape and purpose to my day. A day spent in pjs drifting in and out of sleep…

Was it the hangover? Was it the stress of having to mark and moderate coursework, complete a hugely important school project and pack up seven years of my school life all in the same week? I don’t know…and quite frankly that terrifies me. That I can so easily drift into some sort of nothingness is terrifying.

So I moved my butt from the sofa in an attempt to achieve something or anything today.

Day 15… (I’ve forgotten the number) April 18, 2008

Hooray for tipsy blogs: if only because they prevent the Queen of Drunken Text from indulging herself.

Hooray too for the fellow English Department member: meetings overloaded; when will I mark my coursework, pack the moving schools boxes, deal with my debris, Donaghadee living companion who too thought that dinner and too much wine made for Friday night as how it was meant to be.

 

Days 154 and 155 April 17, 2008

Is it just me or is this getting harder…

#154

Remembering (despite its rapidly decreasing monetary value) why I live and love Donaghadee: the lighthouse in the sunshine and the sense of summer approaching uplifted my sagging spirits.

…and I got to give what I hope was good advice during a long and yet again overdue chat with Big Sis on the phone.

 

#155

The reminder today that one of my SMT who I rage against, loose patience with and berate constantly has a good heart; and that her ability to multitask is a sight to behold. This woman is a force of nature.

Also from sheer lack of time/ stress finally insisting that another colleague ‘do her job’ and the paperwork that goes with it. Her annoyance at the same occurrence is something we both will have to cope with.

The marking beckons!