A PS…farewell once more…. December 31, 2008

So I’m cheating slightly…and adding a 365 or 366 if you will…I’m missed the opportunity to comment on my world; and still think, almost every day, ‘This is what I’ll 365 about…’ so I beg your indulgence once more…

Fleeting moments of magic and mayhem…

* Falling off the thrust stage during a rehearsal(with numerous classes, staff and the entire Cast and Chorus watching): the miracle was that I didn’t die of humiliation.

* The soaring pride when the curtain opened during our first public performance: somehow we’d done it…

* Seeing Lily Todd and Smoothstones arrive for the same….

* The tears of surpassing delight at EACH of our standing ovations: suddenly I remembered why I wanted to teach; why I loved this school and these amazingly talented pupils (and the fear of ‘How do we follow this?’)

*The realisation that the cost of forging ‘Joseph’ friendships was that other relationships were neglected: how good is my bridge building?

* Little Bro and ‘Little Sis-in Law’s homecoming from Australia: I’d forgotten just how much I enjoy their company: the downside was the horribly emotional goodbye at the airport eleven days later…

* A great ‘department’ night out at Ginger: gorgeous food, beautiful wine and truly wonderful company

* Meeting a friend’s miracle baby

* Christmas at home: both wonderful and difficult but worth the emotional effort to see how happy it made my Mum

* Meeting old friends for drinks: that reminded me opportunities are for the taking…in fact, for the many friends who’ve made this season of turkey and too much wine a very special one…

The list could go on, and on, and on: mention the gratitude that comes from ‘knowing me’ gifts and giving to others; mention TV programmes, food, conversations, possibility filled emails…but I have to say stop.

To anyone still out there: thank you once again for your time and indulgence; and Carrie will be in touch, probably all too soon…I hope ‘09 makes your (and, more indulgently, all of Carrie’s) dreams come true…

Days 363, 364 and well…the end November 16, 2008

Friday/ 363

A day away from school is always a guilty pleasure and getting a chance to see what other (significantly more talented) teachers can achieve in their classrooms was this afternoon something of an inspiration.

So much of one; I came home and googled summer Drama courses at prestigious London Drama school the 2.5k entrance fee will save me the life-altering fear of the Guildhall audition; but their may be cheaper alternatives I’ve yet to find.

A night in with JG:  eating too much chinese food, sharing great wine and a good catch up was simplicity itself.

Saturday/ 364

A rehearsal of horrendous porportions (the details of which I’m sparing you all), a rushed shopping trip made all the more stressful by a post rehearsal phone- call, was on the verge of hyperventilating so came home and drank mulled wine… (that I’d missed a 1st birthday party of at a very neglected friend’s house added a log of guilt to this raging fire of emotions)

A ‘Famous Faces’ party (I ‘was’ Audrey Hepburn) was more fun than I’d ever thought, with the costumes ranging from the highly imaginative to the downright comic.  Was struck, yet again by how blessed I am to be included in this group of friends. I laughed more in the car on the way home than I have in weeks…

 

Sunday/ 365!

Q Monkey had advised that I spend the last few days doing wild and inspirational things: to end my 365 with a bang. I knew it would never happen: today was about the hangover and the recriminations such stupidity brings..

But now, the end is near and I must face the final curtain…so what has this self-indulgent year long glance at my life taught me about myself? Well… I moan too much, I drink way too much wine, I watch too much television, I, apart from rare occasions, forget the huge priviledges I’m blessed with professionally…

Did I even do what I set out to do?

“ Find not only the miraculous moments in every day but also those of madness; a second to pause and reflect; a chance to gain perspective; or perhaps even a search for those indicators of faith that I’ve yet to find…”

To some extent I did…the moments of madness certainly and enough moments of magic to make it all worthwhile. What I’ve gained is an insight into the blessings of my life: and the people I share it with. Carrie O’Hara has brought me closer to best friends, rekindled ‘lost’ friendships and opened my experiences up to a group of people I never would have met otherwise.

I got to write about the pain and the pleasure,  the elation and the pitfalls, the life, the death and the love that made my world go round.And I thank you all for taking the time out to read whatever it was this was….

The day that history has been made November 5, 2008

(If my 365 exists only to somehow be able to mark this ’moment’ in cyber ‘posterity’ than my efforts (such as they are) have been far from wasted…)

This is the day that history has been made. The day that Martin Luther King Junior’s Dream is closer to becoming a reality that at any other point in time. Hopefully this is the day when Barack Obama is a step closer to reaching the Promised land.

May the land of the free, be more free than it has ever been before and may Barack Obama be an example to waiting and wanting world.

331: A PS: Decision made October 12, 2008

This is the episode (as yet previously denied my viewing pleasure) when Adam Carter becomes a Spook. Hail ye Rupert Penry Jones: decision made. Mr Big and Carrie B will wait but this is an issue of national security: if RPJ demands my attention he will have all that and more…

319: A PS: a Carrie confession: I am uncool. September 30, 2008

I was never cool; and don’t believe my friend Mel who insists ‘uncool in the new cool’ but today when one of my pupils was jumping up and down (literally: I teach her Drama and English: I do not blame  th influence of the melodrama  in my soul; I believe instead she too is Dramaqueen from birth) describing the details of meeting Bass Hunter in Victoria Square yesterday.

I don’t know who Bass Hunter is.

Another pupil, who I relayed the story to let me hear one of his ‘tunes’ on her ipod.

I thought it was noise.

I am old and uncool and I listen to lots of the same music as my Mum does.

Writing it down did not make me feel any better….

Days 308, 309, 310, 311, 312 and 313… September 24, 2008

I’d the king of weekend that almost defies description; it is hard to capture in words; emotionally exhilarating; liver bashing; heart lifting…and the sort of work week that means I seem to spend my evenings making lists, and lying on the settee in a ball of panic and in-articulated fear…but these are my moments of grace and grumbling since late last week…

Day 308

TFI Friday and that I managed to postpone my nap until I hit the sofa at home…

Day 309

A surprise (I’ve been on edge for weeks worrying that I’d trip over my gargantuan mouth and ruin the surprise factor) 30th Birthday party for a best friend and a very public marriage  proposal from his significant other; that reduced me to a crying heap on the dance floor…

310

Drinking champagne: toasting the ‘glory of love’ until dawn and spending the day in my pjs with my ‘boys’ reliving the madness of the night before…was touching and somehow humbling to be part of this conversation

311: Monday

A great meeting with the Boss and a spine tingling ’Close Every Door’ rehearsal and even the arrrival of my ‘Sex and the City: the Movie’ DVD, was trumphed by the realisation that I’m drowning not waving at school…

312: Tuesday

Spending time talking to G and M on the phone; hearing about the intoxicating experience that is new-parenthood…and getting thirty minutes of quiet from a class that ‘like’ to talk…on the minus side I spread my stress and panic to an innocent work friend who more than deserves a night away from my incessant texts.

313: Wednesday

I missed a poetry reading at the Aspects Literary Festival to stay at home and ‘work’ and achieved nothing: started various projects but none managed to capture my focus or attention…making the ‘To Do’ list all the longer…spent a little quality time with my Ipod; was soothing to have something other than ‘Joseph’ lyrics and my own silent screaming filling my head…

Days 305, 306 and 307 September 18, 2008

#305

Was too frustrated to write…too peeved to find my moment…my Mum rang to check I hadn’t strangled a pupil or cut my ear off in protest at another day in semi-silence… I’m glad she cares.

#306

Miracles (or hearing aid fixing fairies) happen; just as suddenly as it stopped working my link to the world started again. Halleujah!! Had a dance audition that was the hell of my own making from which the repercussions may be huge…but hopefully now have a fully cast show.

Big Sis called round and we caught up: again long overdue; and nectar to a stressed soul.

#307

The mess of my own making culminated in a very fraught  meeting this morning; I shut down at the mere hint of confrontation and probably am too used to be a one-woman show when it comes to performance but hopefully turbulent waters have been calmed…

This afternoon’s rehearsal was a total dream: actors that ‘get’ their characters; respond to direction and have talent singing beautifully from every pore; a antidote to the bedlam that seemed to permeate the rest of my manic week.

And tonight a dinner with two friends who I don’t see a lot of and have all the time in the world for.

Days 300, 301, 302, 303 and 304 September 15, 2008

Day 300

I went with the Shakespeare: despite it having nothing to do with the lesson Yr 13 applauded my ‘Two households, Both alike in dignity’: may God, and the spirit of teachers, pupils and dramaqueens past, present and future bless room D003 and all who perform in her.

Day 301

Just because it is (was) Friday…a cathartic meeting that aired a lot of grievances….a long text conversation with a much missed friend…

Day 302

Finally (despite the poor reception in Ikea’s Market Hall) hearing the fabulous news that my great friends George and Mel have welcomed a little girl Georgia into this crazy world.As ever, an overwhelming and miraculous thing: even for those of us on the sidelines. I wish her a lifetime filled with luck, laughter and love.

Day 303

A phone conversation with my Little Bro (who has broken his collar bone) in which I was granted twenty minutes of his time before the Liverpool match. Was great to catch up and simply to hear his voice; has been months and months and yet we can still so easily fall into the pattern that banter and insults translates into ‘Know how much I love you.’

Day 304

Crisis hit today: the hearing aid that worked perfectly the day before now refuses to do the very thing that its designed to do: I can’t exist in my world of muffled noise and extended silence. I was frustrated and rude with Mum during our ‘let’s meet for coffee’ this afternoon, cancelled long awaited drinks with a neglected friend and prayed for a miracle.

But The Jersey Boys cast and Boyzone were on this truly terrible show on ITV: a little bit of ‘Razzle Dazzle’ was the glitter in a drab day.

Day 304

Teaching without hearing what’s going on ain’t an easy task and one I lack the grace and patience for…I remain amazed at just how frustrated I get. Despite being grateful for the NHS I actually cried down the phone to the poor Audiology receptionist who didn’t have an appointment at the Ulster hospital until the 30th! To Downpatrick I must go (but not until Friday), in search of an audiology department and hopefully salvation.

day 299 September 10, 2008

All the irate emails, all the meetings on the verge of tears, all the hissy fits in the English staffroom: they ALL have been worth it. Tomorrow I get to teach in the Drama room I’ve waited seven years and all the four months spent in the new building for. I’m trying to think of a lesson/ or opening performance worthy of such a moment… I’m leaning towards Shakespeare…

298: Variation on a theme (lists) September 9, 2008

 Sometimes I can’t find my 365 moment; sometimes I’m hit even at the moment itself by its grace and its magic; and sometimes only in moments of reflection can that moment by found…today I found  a multitude of blessings amidst the madness: a promising Chorus rehearsal, a new student in my AS Drama class that hit the ground running, remembering why I love A Streetcar Named Desire, a hug when I needed one, The Sex Educationprogramme on Channel 4 which was full-frontal in every way possible but totally relevant to the audience it is trying to reach, reading Shakespeare in my pjs and bridging the gap between myself and my little bro/ little ’sister in law’ by finally writing an email.

I get to go to bed with a smile on my face….