Days 355, 356, 357, 358, 359 and 360 November 11, 2008

So my Obama excitementhas allowed me to split my world into two disparate camps (so much for bipartisanship and the spirit of community in the coming administration…) the naysayers (Here ye Mr QM, the illustrious DG (who I sincerely hope doesn’t read my blogrubbish) and many, many others) and the often times silent ‘yay’sayers, Americans amongst you, who accepted my blog/ email/ facebook message with grace and hope…Go Obama!

But life is what gets in the way when you’re writing a blog…

Thursday/ 355:

Who can remember life when it returns to the mundane? (If something historical happened today Q Monkey: it didn’t happen to me…)

Friday/ 356:

Was grateful that it was Friday and that I took a little time out to re-watch PS I Love You: sometimes I need the emotional comfort of a movie or book that I’ve read or seen before: and a little Gerard Butler can only but brighten up a girl’s Friday night.

Saturday /357:

Dinner with friends of friends and getting to hold not one, not two, not three but four different babies: my gorgeous God-daughter included. It was lovely to be included, to sip wine by the fire and feel both the joy of the early motherhood and that persistent pang of wonder.

The night was punctuated by texts from an old ‘friend’ that made me smile.

Sunday/ 358:

Went to church with Mel (twice): I was only ‘be ready with the bottle’ duty but Baby G was a total cherub; not  sound in either service. I was humbled by the ‘We will remember them’ and a thought provoking sermon…maybe Church of Ireland and the comfort of its rituals is somewhere I should explore further…

Lunch in the Lodge and a Tesco trip with the only girl who can make the latter fun.

G and M remain my rocks and my therapy: to be part of their lives is a blessing worthy of the many 365 mentions and more…

Monday/ 359:

Sleeping in and missing a meeting, a misplaced (a still missing) yet vital notebook, and a chronic rehearsal that made us all doubt the worth of the blood, sweat and hissy fits of the past few months were all surpassed by the news that another baby has arrived to bless our midst. This one was hard fought for; and eagerly awaited. Hope for a life filled with luck, laughter and love!

Tuesday/ 360:

Feeling for once that I was an oasis of serenity (well as close as we Drama queens get) in a tempestuous sea during rehearsals today. My now weekly coffee with DI was its cathartic self; but getting less done (cue the long procrastination masked as a blog) than I need to tonight is something I’ll suffer through and moan about tomorrow…

Tonight’s highlights (one for Vox) discovering ITunes Genius; never was a computer thingymigiggy more aptly named…playlists abound.

Day 353: GO OBAMA! November 4, 2008

Trying to find the balance between rehearsal and teaching responsibilities is proving stressful and while there is SO SO MUCH still to be done: it was exciting to the point of exhilarating to be on the stage and running with things today. And for the talent, enthusiasm and fun that lies within our cast…

I was in school much earlier than usual to make a meeting; and stumbled upon ever charming and very sexy, SD who I will forever have a harmless crush on. When I asked about his baby, he led me off to his classroom to show me a photograph of this incredibly gorgeous child in an Northern Ireland kit. He told me he would like ‘hundreds of children’ and suggested it was about time I got one of my own…that he thinks this is an acutal possibility got my day of to a smiling start.

I’m grateful for the simple but generous help of two different neighbours today; little things mean so much.

 I’m entirely wrapped up in the American desire for political change:  and have spent tonight writing Theatre Notes with Presidential election coverage as my company. It somehow feels significant, as if one day, someone will ask me; where I was and what I was doing on the night Barack Obama (PLEASE GOD!) got elected President. A shift of global proportions seems imminent…I await the shaking of the earth.

The hard part will be dragging myself away from the TV just as the results are starting to come in…

340, 341 and 342 October 25, 2008

340: Today I had a long anticipated absolute hissy fit: a Dramaqueen reaching into the higher echelons of humiliation : the pupils who bore witness to my moment of madness looked at me with a shock and concern difficult to put into words; but opening this valve on the ‘musical’ pressure cooker was long overdue and somehow massively cleansing.

341: Even though I would have a ‘teach the teacher’s day’ on Friday; this afternoon it felt like the end of half term: I embraced that feeling of freedom; had a take out dinner and a night on the settee purusing my Lonely Planet for Paris…

342: An inspirational trip to the theatre that allowed me to yet again fall a little in love with Belfast; remember the true privileges of my job and realise that in the world of all things Drama I still got a lot to learn…

337, 338 and 339 October 20, 2008

336: A lovely day; a lie in, a haircut, a cheap and cheerful new pair of boots and enough time to feel like I could enjoy getting ready. That my persistent resistance of a particularly drunk; and overly ‘affectionate’ friend of a friend at the bar of the Hilton (a charity event I was allowed myself to be persuaded to attend) was entertaining to the ‘audience’ watching will have to be the silver lining in an otherwise less than 365worthy evening.

337: Strange dreams (vodka induced) disturbed my sleep…but I had great conversation with S and P over coffee at the Pavillion  at Stormont (P INDULGENTLY joined the Members’ Club to enable this to be the surprise 30th birthday/engagement venue of choice) we got to talk diamonds and holidays; and more importantly how P’s parents had taken his life-altering news…

Sunday dinner at home is hard to beat; catching up with T and Mum was as therapeutic as always: that I managed to offend the latter is something I need to rectify.

338: The flat tyre/ late for work combination made a bad start to my Monday…Work Experience week began today: meaning that Year 12 are ‘pretending’ to be adults and that we were given almost all day for Joseph rehearsals: despite feeling like we got a lot done; I’m beginning to panic about the still to do…

But I’ve already begun a list of life laundry tonight: and if I get it ALL done; the world will be a rosier place in the morning…

332 and 333 October 14, 2008

332: Having a truly crappy rehearsal/ttotally unorganised/ highly gruesome work daymade better by a ‘I was wrong, you were wrong, you know I love you anyway’ phone call.Feeling proud of a tutee who has won a scholarship to America for a two week cross-community project (even though I’d nothing whatsoever to do with the award), the pleasure of escaping inside words….

333: The powers that be at school decided today was the day to wake up and read the calendar; and while JC and I have spent too many moments bemoaning our lack of actual, get up of your butt and do something support: the influx of a highly critical audience pre, post and during today’s rehearsal was hard to take.

But grace found me: through the Bangor Academy Old Guard: a frank, honest, we can do this conversation as I gave the wonderful DI a lift home (and the realisation that even at my craziest moments; I do not even begin to understand the stress sheet of the working mother) gaining much needed perspective, the promise of West Wing night (thanks Smoothstones) made all the sweeter by an LT escape plan; and taking the time to text apologies to two of the Old Guard who offered opinions and advice and got a diva response…

I now find myself in that quandry of having so much to do; that I’ve started various things and can’t finish any of them: or begin to prioritise…maybe putting the kettle on is the best place to start?

326 and 327: a shorter list than usual October 8, 2008

326: A giggle filled moment in a busy school day: watching a true Mentor teach a class and telling a joke I always find delightfully funny( about speeches and mini-skirts: I’m a simple girl)… and was once again shocked as to how a ‘bad’ rehearsal can shake the very core of the collective confidence in the show.

327: Ten minutes of coffee, a mint kit-kat and conversation was true manna today

Feeling incredibly ridiculous that I could not in any circumstances find my focus to stand in for Jacob and rehearse with ‘Joseph’: this incredibly talented, incredibly tall and terrifically intense guy was staring down at me and I went to giggling pieces: but the laughter helped to calm yesterday’s fears.

Days 320, 321, 322, 323, 324 and 325 October 6, 2008

Why is this getting harder?

Wed/ 320: Can’t remember a thing…but I won’t complain about work and for anyone reading this, that’s a blessing in itself.

Thurs/ 321: Weather and a day from hell. I ‘performed’ at an ill-attended Parents’ Information Evening: doing all the things I tell my pupils not to do; my lines were on a magazine on stage: the mad dash from school to rehearsal to tutoring to KFC to school again wasn’t worth the stress I felt.

But two of the wonderful women I work with reminded me why they are indeed wonderful: each generation of women stands on the shoulders of those who have gone before…and tonight I found strength and love in those foundations.

And another baby girl joins the world of Yummy Mummies, Doting Daddies and that of proud ‘Auntie’ Carrie: my minutiae diminishes by the second…

322/Fri: A trip to the dentist that wasn’t nearly as bad as feared and dinner with friends of my sister: great food, beautiful wine and entertaining company(and that wonderful thing of meeting someone who lives up to his glowing reputation): a fabulous end to another crazy making work week.

323/Sat: A lunch with girls I’ve been friends with forever: surrounded by babies and home cooking: the assembled masses wanted to make this a monthly event (as a group hanger-on I worry that I got the ‘polite’ invitation) so let’s hope that many more days like this one awaits.

I also got to do what I’d been dying to do all week: a night of absolutely nothing but TV and sofa me time: bliss!

324/ Sun: An evening spent booking various things for Paris with Mum: this is a ray of holiday hope on a crowded horizon; excited already; and looking forward to time with Mum that isn’t dogged with clock watching and the ebbing guilt of neglected marking looming on my table at ‘home’.

325/ Mon:  A night of marking interspersed with texts to plan various get-togethers and social events: it is much easier to behave on a school night when the weekend(s)  promise such an array of fun!!

Days 314, 315, 316, 317, 318 and 319 September 30, 2008

I am tempted to make an undignified exit; leave Carrie’s 365 an unfinished project: a cliffhanger in the mundane life of my twenty something self. I hate that Carrie’s real blog is now entirely neglected; I hate that this has become increasingly longer catch up lists of my relentless moaning and negativity. The quitters thing to do was to call a defeat and walk away, the stronger, wiser woman inside of Carrie O decided against it.

So you’re stuck with me…(for 40+ more days at least…)

These will be snapshots rather than word-filled ‘video’ footage (be grateful all you’re missing is my work frustration mounting to fever pitch)

314: A tutoring session that allowed me to rediscover the wisdom of Atticus Finch….

315: A bad night out: realising I’m too old to get ‘Groovy’ at the ‘Train’ and too clumsy too drink vodka and cranberry juice (a friend’s dress and another’s satin shoes will bear stained witness). A conversational highlight will a girl from work I never get to talk to…she is an inspiration.

316: Meeting Georgia and spending time with the exhausted and incredibly happy brand new parents. As twee and cheesy as it sounds: this new little life let me recognise things I seemingly ignored of late: that it is already autumn, that I love to sing in my car when no-one is listening, that Donaghadee harbour is beautiful at night and that I’m blessed by the friends my life has given me.

317: JG and I went to a literary discussion at the Aspects festival: neither of us had read the book but had been interested in the subject (soldiers executed, and recently pardoned during the First World War): it was an informative, thought provoking and strange occasion. I spent the time hoping I didn’t share too much in common with the rest of the overly dignified, incredibly middle class; rather verbose audience ( somewhere inside me is teenage/ high school rebel not yet fully exorcised): I’m an inverted snob: but this is not a new realisation. 

But we skipped the wine and cheese to go for conversation; shared red wine and steak at Grace Neils: the perfect end to a social weekend.

318: More school madness: I can’t begin to verbalise my growing fury and frustration. But I’m grateful for remembering Lipstick Jungle (my latest TV fad) and a for that rare thing of sleeping almost as soon as my head hit the pillow and for that lasting until the alarm.

319: Today: the sets for the musical were knocked over and broken; one of my actors for a performance we’ve to do on Thursday has lost her voice; a difficult member of staff became entirely impossible, and today’s rehearsal was far from what it needs to or should be.

My work ‘To Do’ list is out of control: some things are already past being late; and are heading past ‘overdue’ into ‘Will you do the job you are being paid to do!’ terrritory.

One of my best friends, who is having an exploratory medical procedure tomorrow, rang me and I yelled at him about my day (He graciously accepted my apology).

But during the madness of rehearsal I again got reminded that small gestures can make a difference; that giving can be so much better than receiving; and had a great ‘teacher’ moment: the pupil (new to school) who is playing the role of the Butler came to rehearsal today to ‘read in’ for Joseph: he offered his services for any rehearsal, stating: ‘It’s just such a privilege to be involved; let me help Miss. Let me do what I can. I’m loving every second of this.’

… I needed the reminder that beyond the staff egos (myself the biggest Diva of the pack) and lack of support is this group of great kids who deserve a show; or rather a school experience to remember.