So I’m cheating slightly…and adding a 365 or 366 if you will…I’m missed the opportunity to comment on my world; and still think, almost every day, ‘This is what I’ll 365 about…’ so I beg your indulgence once more…

Fleeting moments of magic and mayhem…

* Falling off the thrust stage during a rehearsal(with numerous classes, staff and the entire Cast and Chorus watching): the miracle was that I didn’t die of humiliation.

* The soaring pride when the curtain opened during our first public performance: somehow we’d done it…

* Seeing Lily Todd and Smoothstones arrive for the same….

* The tears of surpassing delight at EACH of our standing ovations: suddenly I remembered why I wanted to teach; why I loved this school and these amazingly talented pupils (and the fear of ‘How do we follow this?’)

*The realisation that the cost of forging ‘Joseph’ friendships was that other relationships were neglected: how good is my bridge building?

* Little Bro and ‘Little Sis-in Law’s homecoming from Australia: I’d forgotten just how much I enjoy their company: the downside was the horribly emotional goodbye at the airport eleven days later…

* A great ‘department’ night out at Ginger: gorgeous food, beautiful wine and truly wonderful company

* Meeting a friend’s miracle baby

* Christmas at home: both wonderful and difficult but worth the emotional effort to see how happy it made my Mum

* Meeting old friends for drinks: that reminded me opportunities are for the taking…in fact, for the many friends who’ve made this season of turkey and too much wine a very special one…

The list could go on, and on, and on: mention the gratitude that comes from ‘knowing me’ gifts and giving to others; mention TV programmes, food, conversations, possibility filled emails…but I have to say stop.

To anyone still out there: thank you once again for your time and indulgence; and Carrie will be in touch, probably all too soon…I hope ‘09 makes your (and, more indulgently, all of Carrie’s) dreams come true…

Friday/ 363

A day away from school is always a guilty pleasure and getting a chance to see what other (significantly more talented) teachers can achieve in their classrooms was this afternoon something of an inspiration.

So much of one; I came home and googled summer Drama courses at prestigious London Drama school the 2.5k entrance fee will save me the life-altering fear of the Guildhall audition; but their may be cheaper alternatives I’ve yet to find.

A night in with JG:  eating too much chinese food, sharing great wine and a good catch up was simplicity itself.

Saturday/ 364

A rehearsal of horrendous porportions (the details of which I’m sparing you all), a rushed shopping trip made all the more stressful by a post rehearsal phone- call, was on the verge of hyperventilating so came home and drank mulled wine… (that I’d missed a 1st birthday party of at a very neglected friend’s house added a log of guilt to this raging fire of emotions)

A ‘Famous Faces’ party (I ‘was’ Audrey Hepburn) was more fun than I’d ever thought, with the costumes ranging from the highly imaginative to the downright comic.  Was struck, yet again by how blessed I am to be included in this group of friends. I laughed more in the car on the way home than I have in weeks…

Sunday/ 365!

Q Monkey had advised that I spend the last few days doing wild and inspirational things: to end my 365 with a bang. I knew it would never happen: today was about the hangover and the recriminations such stupidity brings..

But now, the end is near and I must face the final curtain…so what has this self-indulgent year long glance at my life taught me about myself? Well… I moan too much, I drink way too much wine, I watch too much television, I, apart from rare occasions, forget the huge priviledges I’m blessed with professionally…

Did I even do what I set out to do?

“ Find not only the miraculous moments in every day but also those of madness; a second to pause and reflect; a chance to gain perspective; or perhaps even a search for those indicators of faith that I’ve yet to find…”

To some extent I did…the moments of madness certainly and enough moments of magic to make it all worthwhile. What I’ve gained is an insight into the blessings of my life: and the people I share it with. Carrie O’Hara has brought me closer to best friends, rekindled ‘lost’ friendships and opened my experiences up to a group of people I never would have met otherwise.

I got to write about the pain and the pleasure,  the elation and the pitfalls, the life, the death and the love that made my world go round.And I thank you all for taking the time out to read whatever it was this was….

Forgot a highlight: I phoned my Uncle Jim today (on another car related issue) he and Big Sis are very close; he is my Knight in Shining Armour but we’re rarely in contact. Like my Daddy used to, he indulges my need to disagree and argue; his politics and social viewpoints diverge with mine completely and we had a little Obama banter this afternoon. It made me realise that I need to make a bigger effort with this great man: the quiet rock of our family who holds us together with his generosity and quiet love.

The conversation made my confront a truth I’ve been pushing to the back of my mind all week: I have wanted to discuss every mind-spining turn of the US Presidential election with my Dad. I hate that he missed this moment in history and hate even more that passing of time has made it more difficult for me to imagine and improvise his end of the conversation…I hate that he’s not here.

Tonight was prize giving at school and I always feel proud… too much of what we do as teachers, especially in a school like ours (smoothstones and Lily: it still belongs to you both) is moan about our pupils’ shortcomings and rage against the politics involved in inter staff relations.

Tonight was about achievement: our first prize giving in our new state of the art school building: an opportunity to remember that this in an academic year of turmoil our pupils managed to achieve the best GCSE results since the school first amalgamated. Our choir sang two songs from the much typed about show and JG had to pin me to my seat to keep me from leaping about in pleasure: it made me excited for the performances.

The Speakers at these things tend to rate somewhere between truly terrible and mediocre: we occasionally manage words of wisdom…but these are the exception rather than the rule. Tonight we were enthralled by a man of true merit and absolute humanity: who described the teaching staff (of the world and not just Bangor) as ‘instillers of hope’. He talked about the work of ‘his friend’ Desmond Tutu and schools in South African townships which were held together with goodwill, hard work and a hope of a brighter future.

His wife who had a degree in law and one in medicine: but left her own career to be a ‘clergy wife’ spoke eloquently about the invitation; offered her thanks and congratulations with warmth and humour. Typically the wives give out the prizes and remain mute; lobbying the Boss to have a female speaker is a ‘to do’ list item that never gets my attention.

I’m a willing audience member; sitting ready to be entertained, engaged, inspired: rarely do all things happen in one sitting; and rarely do any of us get to feel that we are in the presence of actual greatness.

So tonight I’m grateful for inspiration, I’m grateful for the privileges of my job: an instiller of hope is a title I’ll work hard to live up too.

My evenings now seemed to be consumed with phone calls and texts of a Joseph related nature; SA (our Pharaoh) being a main contender for my attention. His phone call last night (day 361) alerted me to a Dispatches programme on Channel 4: The Witch Children of Africa.

It was horrifying; children tortured, abused and abandoned as they are thought to be possessed by Satan; and to be posioning their societies with witchcraft…harrowing stuff. The perpretrators of the torture are Pastors and ‘Prophets’ attempting Christian exorcisms. Its a challenging subject: the crashing culmination of Christianity and culture; a country blighted by its geography and corruption who so need a Christian understanding of God being so tormented by the very agents who should help to bring salvation.

It made me grateful for the mercies and blessings in my life; made me yet again question the nature of suffering and seek God’s place in a broken world.

So my Obama excitementhas allowed me to split my world into two disparate camps (so much for bipartisanship and the spirit of community in the coming administration…) the naysayers (Here ye Mr QM, the illustrious DG (who I sincerely hope doesn’t read my blogrubbish) and many, many others) and the often times silent ‘yay’sayers, Americans amongst you, who accepted my blog/ email/ facebook message with grace and hope…Go Obama!

But life is what gets in the way when you’re writing a blog…

Thursday/ 355:

Who can remember life when it returns to the mundane? (If something historical happened today Q Monkey: it didn’t happen to me…)

Friday/ 356:

Was grateful that it was Friday and that I took a little time out to re-watch PS I Love You: sometimes I need the emotional comfort of a movie or book that I’ve read or seen before: and a little Gerard Butler can only but brighten up a girl’s Friday night.

Saturday /357:

Dinner with friends of friends and getting to hold not one, not two, not three but four different babies: my gorgeous God-daughter included. It was lovely to be included, to sip wine by the fire and feel both the joy of the early motherhood and that persistent pang of wonder.

The night was punctuated by texts from an old ‘friend’ that made me smile.

Sunday/ 358:

Went to church with Mel (twice): I was only ‘be ready with the bottle’ duty but Baby G was a total cherub; not  sound in either service. I was humbled by the ‘We will remember them’ and a thought provoking sermon…maybe Church of Ireland and the comfort of its rituals is somewhere I should explore further…

Lunch in the Lodge and a Tesco trip with the only girl who can make the latter fun.

G and M remain my rocks and my therapy: to be part of their lives is a blessing worthy of the many 365 mentions and more…

Monday/ 359:

Sleeping in and missing a meeting, a misplaced (a still missing) yet vital notebook, and a chronic rehearsal that made us all doubt the worth of the blood, sweat and hissy fits of the past few months were all surpassed by the news that another baby has arrived to bless our midst. This one was hard fought for; and eagerly awaited. Hope for a life filled with luck, laughter and love!

Tuesday/ 360:

Feeling for once that I was an oasis of serenity (well as close as we Drama queens get) in a tempestuous sea during rehearsals today. My now weekly coffee with DI was its cathartic self; but getting less done (cue the long procrastination masked as a blog) than I need to tonight is something I’ll suffer through and moan about tomorrow…

Tonight’s highlights (one for Vox) discovering ITunes Genius; never was a computer thingymigiggy more aptly named…playlists abound.

(If my 365 exists only to somehow be able to mark this ’moment’ in cyber ‘posterity’ than my efforts (such as they are) have been far from wasted…)

This is the day that history has been made. The day that Martin Luther King Junior’s Dream is closer to becoming a reality that at any other point in time. Hopefully this is the day when Barack Obama is a step closer to reaching the Promised land.

May the land of the free, be more free than it has ever been before and may Barack Obama be an example to waiting and wanting world.

Trying to find the balance between rehearsal and teaching responsibilities is proving stressful and while there is SO SO MUCH still to be done: it was exciting to the point of exhilarating to be on the stage and running with things today. And for the talent, enthusiasm and fun that lies within our cast…

I was in school much earlier than usual to make a meeting; and stumbled upon ever charming and very sexy, SD who I will forever have a harmless crush on. When I asked about his baby, he led me off to his classroom to show me a photograph of this incredibly gorgeous child in an Northern Ireland kit. He told me he would like ‘hundreds of children’ and suggested it was about time I got one of my own…that he thinks this is an acutal possibility got my day of to a smiling start.

I’m grateful for the simple but generous help of two different neighbours today; little things mean so much.

 I’m entirely wrapped up in the American desire for political change:  and have spent tonight writing Theatre Notes with Presidential election coverage as my company. It somehow feels significant, as if one day, someone will ask me; where I was and what I was doing on the night Barack Obama (PLEASE GOD!) got elected President. A shift of global proportions seems imminent…I await the shaking of the earth.

The hard part will be dragging myself away from the TV just as the results are starting to come in…

Clearly my 365 exists only as a means of procrastination; my week off school and my blog ‘lay’ neglected but now the marking mountain presents its Himalayan peak… I return to the laptop…

345: Monday:Grateful for the freedom that school holidays bring; that I yet again fell asleep on the sofa is worrying: that RPJ made his explosive exit from Spooks made for a tearful bedtime!

346:Tuesday: A brunch with a friend that allowed us to indulge in a little ‘this is what we were doing last year in NYC’ chat. An unusual theatre trip (no rest for the wicked, Drama teachers included) to a circus style performance of A Midsummer Night’s Dream: was entertaining if at times incomprehensible; and faced with a pupil’s very raw ‘He dumped me!’ heartbreak I was, for once, grateful to be 29 and single!

347: Wednesday: I’m firmly in the school of belief that enjoyment is 50% anticipation: spent the day packing and planning for Paris and the afternoon with take-out cappucinoand another Spooks episode: glory be for BBC Iplayer.

(This trip like New York before it, may possibly get a too long, blog all of its own, but until then…)

348: Thursday: Paris was as beautiful as my distant school trip nostalgia had remembered it. The cold wind and rain meant that our bus trip was not on the open, upper deck; but dinner and desert was a thing of splendour: beautiful beaujolais and a chocolate mousse large enough to feed a small village was all the more enchanting because it was served by a French waiter of Greek god good looks.

349: Friday: Paris is study in juxtaposed contrasts; had been disappointed that Mum and I hadn’t made it to Montematre the night before; but had forgotten just how blue Paris’ red light district was. The chance to rediscover (and light a candle) in the ethereal Sacre Coeur was spiritually uplifting and humbling all at the same time…an unusual sensation for an agnostic should be Presbyterian.

The Louvre is as the guide  book described ‘exhausting and overwhelming’: I was much more impressed by the Venus de Milo than the Mona Lisa- what is that girl smiling about?

Finding our gourmet river cruise was a challenge: yet the five ‘taster starters’, the cooked to perfection main course and three petit but perfect deserts (and yet again the wine) made for a gastronomic delight; and further proof that all French waiters have graduated from charm school and only wait tables in the time they have between modelling jobs.

A scary walk home through the almost deserted streets near the Gare du Nord reminded me that even in a city as beautiful as this one made me extremely grateful to reach our cheap but cheerful hotel; but acted as a reminder that  ‘Carrie Travels the World (alone)’ is not a witty travelogue, I’ll ever write.

350: Saturday: Another day, another art museum: the D’Orsay was much more my style and the Monet, Picasso and Van Gogh as enchanting as ever: I spend my time in art galleries wishing Tony or Liza were there too: as my friendly guide to the art that engages me but I feel I fail to truly understand.

Saturday night was our planned brush with culture; we had tickets to see the ballet at Palais Garnier. In a beautiful city; this was the most beautiful building I’ve ever been in; this is  a theatre for the Gods as they existed in the beginnings of Greek civilisation (the luxury was opulent, overwhelming and while it required a turning off of the social conscience: I enjoyed my champagne and a glance at how the other half lives). However I’d been fighting a cold all week, making me less than wonderful travelling company for my ever understanding Mother. I confess I was the girl in the cheap, cramped, horrifyingly hot seats at ‘Les Enfants du Paradis’ who coughed through the entirety of the first act. We left at the interval: my claustrophobia as overwhelming as my fellow patrons desire to choke the last breath from my wheezing chest.

351: Sunday: all good things must come to an end: home and reality beckoned. I’m grateful for a hassle free journey; for Mum’s quiet but comfortingly constant company and for all the delights the City of Light had to offer. But I came home to an email I wasn’t expecting…it helped chase the blues away.

352: Monday: a stressful school day that made me question if the week away had happened at all…reality bites with sharp and blood thirsty teeth. But the frantic morning of rehearsal scheduling will hopefully mean; the cogs will turn and this week will be as productive as it truly needs to be.

343: West Wing Night: The much anticipated West Wing night was a lot of fun; still enchanting and I’ll admit slightly disarming to meet the good and the great of blogland (and of course fellow West Wing fans); meeting those of such inspiration when Carrie’s words have been those of stress and moaning misery, in the lovely surroundings of Casa smoothstones/ elephant is humbling to say the least…

But this was a night of easy friendship, gorgeous food and of course great TV… (Thanks to our gracious hosts and all at the West Wing)

344: Lily Todd and I had used West Wing night as a means of escaping reality for a night: we stayed at a hotel and stayed up much too late; but the catching up was cathartic, therapeautic and quite simply fun.

A glance at the glorious North coast while we ate lunch and people watched in The Nook; was only surpassed by a very lazy (for me, if not Lily) afternoon where we ‘customers’ at the Angels shoe shop, and an audience at their ‘Fashion show’.  The embraced chance of catching up with Strictly Come Dancing and the X Factor; a chinese take away and a ginger beer and it was time for home.